Cleaning Poem ~ Humorous Poem

I asked the Lord to tell me
Why my house is such a mess.
He asked if I'd been 'putering',
And I had to answer "yes."
He told me to get off my fanny
And tidy up the house.
And so I started cleaning up...
The smudges off my mouse.
I wiped and shined the topside.
That really did the trick...
I was just admiring my work...
I didn't mean to 'click.'
But click, I did, and oops I found
A real absorbing site
That I got SO way into...
I was into it all night.
Nothing's changed except my mouse
It's very, very shiny.
I guess my house will stay a mess..
While I sit here on my hiney.
-Author Unknown To Me
 
 
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I asked the Lord to tell me Why my house is such a mess. He asked if I'd been 'putering', And I had to answer "yes...

Moses & The Computer

Artist: Greg Volpert


 "Excuse me, Sir."

"Is that you again, Moses?"
 

"I'm afraid it is, Sir."

"What is it this time, Moses; more computer problems?"
 

"How did you guess?"

"I don't have to guess, Moses. Remember ?"
 

"Oh, yes; I forgot."

"Tell me what you want, Moses."
 

"But you already know, Sir. Remember?"

"Moses!"
 

"Sorry, Sir."

"Well, go ahead, Moses; spit it out."
 

"Well, I have a question, Sir.You know those ten 'things' you sent me via e-mail?"

"You mean the Ten Commandments, Moses?"
 

"That's it. I was wondering if they are important."

"What do you mean 'if they are important,' Moses? Of course, they are important. Otherwise, I would not have sent them to you."
 

"Well, sorry, Sir, but I lost them. I could say the dog ate them; but, of course, you would see right through that."

"What do you mean you 'lost them'? Are you trying to tell me you didn't save them, Moses?"
 

"No, Sir; I forgot."

"You should always save, Moses."
 

"Yes, I know. You told me that before. I was going to save them, but I forgot. I did forward them to some people before I lost them though."

"And did you hear back from any of them?"
 

"You already know I did. There was the one guy who said he never uses 'shalt not.' May he change the words a little bit?"

"Yes, Moses, as long as he does not change the meaning."
 

"And what about the guy who thought your stance was a little harsh, and recommended calling them the 'Ten Suggestions,' or letting people pick one or two to try for a while?"

"Moses, I will act as if I did not hear that."
 

"I think that means 'no.' Well, what about the guy who said I was scamming him?"

"I think the term is 'spamming,' Moses."
 

"Oh, yes. I E-mailed him back and told him I don't even eat that stuff, and I have no idea how you can send it to someone through a computer."

"And what did he say?"
 

"You know what he said. He used Your name in vain. You don't think he might have sent me one of those -- err -- plagues, and that's the reason I lost those ten 'things', do you?"

"They are not plagues; they are called 'viruses,' Moses."
 

"Whatever! This computer stuff is just too much for me. Can we go back to those stone tablets? It was hard on my back taking them out and reading them each day, but at least I never lost them."

"We will do it the new way, Moses; using computers!!"
 

"I was afraid you would say that, Sir."

"Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up?"
 

"You told me to hold up this rat and point it toward the computer."

"It's a mouse, Moses, not a rat. Mouse! Mouse! And did you do that?"
 

"No, I decided to try calling technical support first. After all, who knows more about this stuff than you? And I really like your hours. By the way, Sir, did Noah have two of these mice on the ark?"

"No, Moses."
 

"One other thing. Why did you not name them 'frogs' instead of 'mice,' because did you not tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?"

"I did not name them, Moses. Man did, and you can call yours a frog if you want to."
 

"Oh, that explains it. I bet some woman told Adam to call it a mouse. After all, was it not a woman who named one of the computers 'Apple?'"

"Say good night, Moses."
 

"Wait a minute, Sir. I am pointing the mouse, and it seems to be working. Yes, a couple of the ten 'things' have come back."

"Which ones are they, Moses?"
 

"Let me see.'Thou shalt not steal from any grave an image' and 'Thou shalt not uncover Thy neighbor's wife.'"

"Turn the computer off, Moses. I'm sending you another set of stone tablets."
 


 
{Heaven Awaits Lighter Side]
Featured Top Image Artist: Greg Volpert
From Moses to Megabytes: A Short History of Online Information Access
 
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Artist: Greg Volpert   "Excuse me, Sir." "Is that you again, Moses?"   "I'm afraid it is, Sir....

International Talk Like a Pirate Day (September 19)

It's International Talk Like a Pirate Day -- so what better time to learn "The Pirate's Prayer?"⁣
It's called that because it involves doing four things that can be abbreviated with a pirate's favorite phrase: "ARRR!" The prayer consists of:⁣
    •⁣ Acknowledging whatever you're going through
    • Relating it to God
    • Receiving whatever God wants to say in response to you
    • Responding to God's inspiration!
    Pirates come as they are and say it like it is.
    When we pray like a pirate, we also do it.

"Pray Like a Pirate" typically refers to the Pirate Prayer, a popular Catholic and Christian meditation technique that uses the acronym A-R-R-R.
ARRR! You’ve heard of Talk Like a Pirate Day (Sept. 19).
What about Pray Like a Pirate Day?
What does it mean to “pray like a pirate?”

It's a great prayer that all of us at ICC can say--whether we have a peg leg and an eye patch or not!
 
To pray like a pirate you need to know the acronym ARRR. Acknowledge, Relate, Receive, and Respond.
 
The “A” in ARRR stands for “Acknowledge.” The first step in effective prayer is acknowledging God’s presence in our life. Imagine that he is right here and looking at us with delight.
 
Next, “Relate” with God and have a conversation. Share what is on your heart.
 
After sharing, just like in a conversation with a friend, “Receive” what God wants you to have. After pouring out your heart, you have the chance to listen.
 
Finally, “Respond” in concrete terms to what the Lord has asked of you. This can be something simple, like adding an extra prayer in your morning devotions or being more intentional with your co-workers. Or it could be something more radical, like taking a new holy hour in your parish’s perpetual adoration rotation or joining a small group in your parish.

“Prayer develops that conversation with Christ which makes us his intimate friends: ‘Abide in me and I in you.’ (Jn 15:4).”
- Saint Pope John Paul II (Novo Millennio Ineunte, 32)

Source: How to Pray the Pirate Prayer - Hallow Blog
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It's International Talk Like a Pirate Day -- so what better time to learn "The Pirate's Prayer?"⁣ It's called th...

Ship Wrecked Prayers

A voyaging ship was wrecked during a storm at sea and only two of the
men on it were able to swim to a small, desert like island.

The two survivors,
not knowing what else to do, agreed that they had no other recourse but
to pray to God. However, to find out whose prayer was more powerful,
they agreed to divide the territory between them and stay on opposite
sides of the island.

The first thing they prayed for was food. The next morning, the first
man saw a fruit-bearing tree on his side of the land, and he was able to
eat its fruit. The other man's parcel of land remained barren.

After a week, the first man was lonely and he decided to pray for a
wife. The next day, another ship was wrecked, and the only survivor was
a woman who swam to his side of the land. On the other side of the
island, there was nothing.

Soon the first man prayed for a house, clothes, more food. The next
day, like magic, all of these were given to him. However, the second
man still had nothing.

Finally, the first man prayed for a ship, so that he and his wife could
leave the island. In the morning, he found a ship docked at his side of
the island. The first man boarded the ship with his wife and decided to
leave the second man on the island.

He considered the other man unworthy to receive God's blessings, since
none of his prayers had been answered.

As the ship was about to leave, the first man heard a voice from heaven
booming, "Why are you leaving your companion on the island?"

"My blessings are mine alone, since I was the one who prayed for them,"
the first man answered. "His prayers were all unanswered and so he does
not deserve anything."

"You are mistaken!" the voice rebuked him. "He had only one prayer,
which I answered. If not for that, you would not have received any of
my blessings."

"Tell me," the first man asked the voice, "What did he pray for that I
should owe him anything?"

"He prayed that all your prayers be answered."

For all we know, our blessings are not the fruits of our prayers alone,
but those of another praying for us.

Author Unknown - Submitted By: Wanda P.


 
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A voyaging ship was wrecked during a storm at sea and only two of the men on ...

Somewhere in the World

Somewhere in the world today, a little girl will go out to play

All dressed up in Mama's clothes, at least the way that I suppose it goes


Somewhere in the world tonight, before she reaches to turn out the light

She'll be praying from her tender heart, a simple prayer that's a work of art


And I don't even know her name, but I'm praying for her just the same

That the Lord will write His name upon her heart...


'Cuz somewhere in the course of this life, my little boy will need a Godly wife

So hold on to Jesus, baby, wherever you are...


Somewhere in the world out there, that little girl is learning how to care

She's picking up her mama's charms, or maybe swinging 'round in her Daddy's arms


Somewhere in the world to be, though the future's not real clear to me

There's going to be a tender love, founded in eternal love above


And I don't even know her name, but I'm praying for her just the same

That the Lord will write His name upon her heart...


'Cuz somewhere in the course of his life, my little boy will need a Godly wife

So hold on to Jesus, baby, wherever you are...


And so hold on to Jesus, wherever you are...

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Somewhere in the world today, a little girl will go out to play All dressed up in Mama's clothes, at least the way that I ...

This Tiny Little Prayer

Dear Lord:

Every single evening
As I'm lying here in bed
This tiny little prayer
Keeps running through my head.


God bless my mom and dad,
And other family.
Keep them warm and safe from harm
For they're so close to me.



And God, there is one more thing
I wish that you could do.
Hope you don't mind me asking,
Bless my computer too.

Now I know that it's not normal
To bless a mother board,
But listen just a second
While I explain to you 'My Lord'.

You see, that little metal box
Holds more than odds & ends
Inside those small compartments
Rest so many of my FRIENDS.



I know so much about them
By the kindness that they give
And this little scrap of metal
Takes me in to where they live.

By faith is how I know them
Much the same as you
We share in what life brings us
And from that our friendship grew.



Please, take an extra minute
From your duties up above
To bless those in my address book
That's filled with so much love!

Wherever else this prayer may reach
To each and every friend,
bless each email Inbox
And the person who hits Send.



When you update your heavenly list
On your own CD-Rom
Remember each who've said this prayer
Sent up to God.com.

Amen.

Submitted By: Brenda S.
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Dear Lord: Every single evening As I'm lying here in be...

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