Children's Bible Answers

25 hilarious out-takes about the Bible from a child's perspective.

1. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree Noahs wife was called Joan of Ark Noah built an ark which the animals come on in pears

2. Christians have only one spouse This is called monotony

3. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar He fought with the Finklesteins a race of people who lived in Biblical times

4. In the first book of the bible Guinessis God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off

5. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance

6. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule which says to do one to others before they do one to you He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone

7. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption

8. Lotu2019s wife was a pillar of salt by day but a ball of fire by night

9. Moses died before he ever reaches Canada Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol

10. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients

11. One of the opossums was St Matthew who was also a taximan

12. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles

13. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah

14. Solomon one of Davids sons had 300 wives and 700 porcupines

15. St John the blacksmith dumped water on his head

16. St Paul cavorted to Christianity He preached holy acrimony which is another name for marriage

17. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert Afterwards Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments

18. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals

19. The epistles were the wives of the apostles

20. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple

21. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him

22. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels

23. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery

24. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus she sang the Magna Carta

25. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived the found Jesus in the manager


TV Outtakes - Children Talk About Their Favorite Bible Story

Adapted From: http://loveandsalvation.blogspot.com​

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Parable of the Yeast / Leaven

Parable of the Yeast  What is the meaning of the Parable of the Leaven? The Parable of the Leaven, also called the parable of the yeast, is one of the shortest parables of Jesus. It appears in Matthew 13:33 and Luke 13:20–21, as well as in the non-canonical Gospel of Thomas. - Wikipedia The main lesson of the parable of the leaven is that the Kingdom of Heaven, though it may start small and hidden, will powerfully and completely grow to transform and affect everything it touches, much like a tiny bit of leaven causes a large batch of dough to rise. This growth is a mysterious but powerful work of God's grace and sovereignty, ultimately leading to the fulfillment of God's promises on a global scale. - AI Overview

 

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The Miracles of Jesus

The "miracles of Jesus" refer to supernatural events recorded in the New Testament where Jesus displayed divine power over nature, sickness, evil spirits, and even death, such as turning water into wine, calming a storm, healing lepers and the blind, casting out demons, and raising people from the dead. The 37 Miracles of Jesus in Chronological Order from SunnyHillChurch in Wytheville, VA       45 Jesus Miracles Clipart - Bible Story Watercolor Illustrations Images can be found at Etsy YouTube: The 37 MIRACLES of Jesus Christ ✨ Every Miracle Recorded in the Gospels (KJV)

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Famous Saints Thru The Centuries

FAMOUS SAINTS DOWN THROUGH THE CENTURIES

St. Ambrose

St. Jerome

St. Gregory the Great

St. Athanasius

St. John Chrysostom

St. Basil the Great

St. Gregory of Nazianzus

St. Thomas Aquinas

St. Bonaventure

St. Anselm of Canterbury

St. Isidore of Seville

St. Peter Chrysologus

St. Leo I, the Great

St. Peter Damian

St. Bernard of Clairvaux

St. Hilary of Poitiers

St. Alphonsus Liguori

St. Cyril of Jerusalem

St. John of Damascus

St. Cyril of Alexandria

St. Bede the Venerable

St. Ephrem the Syrian

St. Peter Canisius

St. John of the Cross

St. Robert Bellarmine

St. Albert the Great

St. Anthony of Padua

St. Francis de Sales

St. Lawrence of Brindisi

St. Catherine of Siena

St. Thérèse of Lisieux

PDF Resources:

St. Ignatius ~ 1st Century.pdf

St. Ireneous ~ 2nd Century.pdf

St. Cyprian ~ 3rd Century.pdf

St. Cyril ~ 4th Century.pdf

St. Leo the Great ~ 5th Century.pdf

St. Gregory ~ 6th Century.pdf

St. Bede ~ 7th Century.pdf

St John of Damascus ~ 8th Century.pdf

St. Alfred the Great ~ 9th Century .pdf

St. Wolfgang ~ 10th Century.pdf

St. Peter Damian ~ 11th Century.pdf

St. Hildegard ~ 12th Century.pdf

St. Thomas Aquinas ~ 13th Century.pdf

St. Catherine of Siena ~ 14th Century.pdf

St. Ignatious of Loyola ~ 15th Century.pdf

St. Teresa of Avila ~ 16th Century.pdf

St. Bellarmine ~ 17th Century.pdf

St. Alphonsus ~ 18th Century.pdf

St. Elizabeth Seton ~ 19th Century.pdf

St. Maximilisn Kolbe ~ 20th Century.pdf

St. John Paul II ~ 21st Century.pdf

Image Credit: HappySaints.com
Resources: The Saints That Changed The World, Top 10 Saints and Saints through the Centuries by Richard Thornton

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'Twas the night before kindergarten

'Twas the night before kindergarten, when all through the house All the little people were sleeping, it was just me and my spouse. Her backpack was placed by the front door with care, A special new outfit laid out on the floor, she would wear. She had picked it herself, that girl was quite proud. It was totally her style, it was colorful and loud. She had stood in those aisles 'till she found the right one. It was covered in glitter, it was so happy and fun. When down the kids' hallway we heard a small sound, Followed by little feet tiptoeing on the ground. Our tiny kindergartner peeked her head 'round the wall, Her bottom lip quivering, she started to bawl. We called her over and held onto her tight, She buried her face into my chest and squeezed with all her might. "I'm afraid to go to kindergarten, I'm scared for you to leave me, What if I miss you? What if I feel lonely?" My husband and I looked at each other and sighed, We knew this was coming, and I tried not to cry. "It's ok to be scared and feel a bit nervous, But here is a secret, I want you to remember this. "Wherever you go, whatever you do, Mommy and Daddy will always believe in you! You were made for this moment, to go do big things, God made you for tomorrow, to spread your new wings. "He has empowered you to be who you are, there's no one else like you. And when you get scared, you can do what I do. I just close my eyes and think of Jesus next to me, His hand on my shoulder, He's right here with me. Then I take a deep breath and I say in my mind, 'It's not by my strength, but by His I'm defined!' So when tomorrow morning comes you can bravely walk in, Knowing you're not alone, that you never have been." So today when I dropped my little girl off, She bravely walked in, with her wings she took off. But I heard her whisper as she walked out of sight, "I've got this Mommy, with Jesus I will be alright."   Source: From Blacktop to Dirt Road

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Noah: Alphabet Ups and Downs Game

Dana writes, "I just thought I'd share something I wrote to use with the active youth game, Alphabet Ups and Downs. (That's the game where you read a group a story with a lot of alliteration, and the kids have to stand up or sit down every time they hear a word that starts with a certain letter.) We were studying Noah, so I wanted our Alphabet Ups and Downs game to match the story. Here's a loose telling of the Noah story that features words with the letter 'N'."   "Noah: Alphabet Ups and Downs" by Dana Gagnon   Noah was a nice guy, but his neighbors thought he was a nut.   He had spent nearly his whole life building a nifty boat next to his house, in a neighborhood that never had rain! I mean, if Noah had a nickel for every nasty neighbor that came over to nag and needle him, he’d be a millionaire by now.   Noah explained to the nasty neighbors that God noticed that the world had become naughty, and told Noah to build this boat to save his family and the animals from a flood, but nobody believed Noah.   But Noah took notes when God gave him the numbers for the size of the nifty boat, and he nailed day and night to complete it.   When the nifty boat was nearly finished, the necessary animals started to arrive.   Naturally, the nocturnal animals came at night, so they could nap later. The nightingales flew in to their new nest. At noon, the elephants nearly got stuck in the narrow door. The next night, which was a bit nippy, such numbers came that I could not name each one — no nook of the nifty boat was neglected.   Now, nothing could stop the nearing rain. Noah nailed the door tight, and eyed the nimbus clouds nearby. Next, Noah and the animals spent numerous nights nervously feeling nausea as they floated on the waves the flood brought.   It rained for 40 days and 40 nights, and then Noah noticed the rain no more. Now they had to wait in the nifty boat until they could find the dry land they needed to live on.   Next they noticed something new — a rainbow. The rainbow was God’s signature on a promise that He would never flood the whole earth again. Noah and his family had a new chance to not neglect God’s laws and to walk God’s narrow path to heaven.   Copyright 2003 Dana Gagnon Source: Internet Archive

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